Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
