Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize