Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
