I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize