Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
