dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
