We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
