You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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