I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
