can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
