he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
