Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize