carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You can't just leave with hair like that
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
