It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
