Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
