No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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