You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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