Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize