I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
