Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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