That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
