I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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