i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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