Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
