I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
