His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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