I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
