you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
