i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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