Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
