I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
