I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
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