She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
