Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
