I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize