Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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