I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
