apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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