either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize