Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
