ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
