How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
