I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
