I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
