Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize