is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
