everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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