I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize