So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
