oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You took a bar mat shot.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
