I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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