If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
