What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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