Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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