This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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