It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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