great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
