And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize