It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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