she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
