I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
