I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
