he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
