do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
