i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
